Dead Confederates, A Civil War Era Blog

Confederate Fabulist

Posted in Memory by Andy Hall on June 5, 2020

I fear that peripatetic Confederate beard H. K. Edgerton has lost his mind. This story is more ridiculous in its finely-crafted dialogue and oh-so-perfect detail than the completely fabricated tale the Virginia Flaggers told about Rob “Electric Cattle Taser” Walker years ago, and I don’t believe a word of this one.

Dear Ms. Lunelle,

On this morning Monday, June 1, 2020 , don in the uniform of the Southern soldier as I existed my car with plans of posting the Southern cross on the overpass bridge of Interstate 240 West/ 26 East; a car with three men pulled in behind me , existing [sic.] their car .

“Mr. Edgerton”, one would exclaim, “we are Yankees from Minnesota, and first of all please understand that we mean you no harm, but because we respect you as a man of honor, we think it is time for you to come to an understanding of truth.”

“Your race are nothing but a bunch of traitors to your region, and no white man likes a traitor. And your race has written the book on it. Our Northern ancestors tried to warn their Southern brothers that your people would someday sell them out, and fall for anything for a promise or a trinket. And by god they did just that after the Civil War .

Now let us fast forward to the 21st Century . Because of men like Hubert Humphrey and Walter Mondale, white men tolerated the infidelities with our white women for decades because there weren’t many of you. And, then the rift raff of your race began migrating Into Minnesota in large numbers bringing with them their wicked ways; dope dealing, prostituting our young girls, desecrating our landscapes while we watched with a sense of hopelessness.

Your race does not deserve the sympathy, or forgiveness that our Southern white brothers have always tried to give them, or the honor you implore they have earned beside them.

And, now just look as they are being used by communist to destroy the country. You should put that flag down, and tell your people to go back to Africa before our Southern brothers turn on them for what they have done. They have forgiven you Negroes for way too much, and your ignorance will no longer save you.

And the time is fast coming that we in the North no longer need you to do our bidding. And, thank them for justifying the burning of the UDC building in Richmond. It is finally almost done for the South; thanks to you darkies. We are done here. Have a nice day.”

I was flabbergasted, and just climbed back into my car pondering what I had just heard. God bless you!

Your brother,

HK

That man needs help.

______

7 Responses

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  1. Jeffry Burden said, on June 5, 2020 at 9:24 am

    This was followed by an even longer conversation with some hipsters in a coffee shop.

    • Andy Hall said, on June 5, 2020 at 9:28 am

      I should revise my earlier statement about not believing a word of it. The part I don’t believe really happened is that part between “Mr. Edgerton” and “have a nice day.”

    • Andy Hall said, on June 5, 2020 at 10:45 am

      If Edgerton really wanted to address the current civil unrest in Asheville over the George Floyd case, he could discuss this.

  2. Neil Hamilton said, on June 5, 2020 at 3:42 pm

    Reminds me of the time I was abducted by alien Grays back in the 1960s…

    Oh, wait. It WAS the 60s.

  3. Jimmy Dick said, on June 6, 2020 at 8:36 pm

    T-shirt sales at Dixie Outfitters must be down. He’s got to drum up some publicity to drive sales.

  4. J.B. Richman said, on June 7, 2020 at 11:14 pm

    Crazies coming from all directions! (Too much LSD in the water?)

    Here’s a news reference to the desecration of a monument to the 54th Massachusetts Regiment on its 123rd anniversary by mob violence in Boston a week ago:

    https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/george-floyd-rioters-deface-16-boston-statues-including-memorial-honoring-black-civil-war-regiment

    There were multiple outrages on a number of different monuments, but this monument is famous for the artwork.

  5. Patrick Young said, on June 8, 2020 at 12:59 pm

    That always happens to me too!


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